Mudcaked Shoes
by Kit-Pocket
Summary: L is the loser, Misa is his model girlfriend, and Light is the man who stole her away. If L wants to get revenge on this guy, he'll have to get his hands dirty... or his feet. L/Light
1. Chapter 1: L is for Loser

Well, people... Here it is. I have been writing this thing for the past month or so, and it's done.

I felt like writing the whole thing before posting it, so all the chapters will show up at once... Nice, non? That doesn't mean I don't want you to review each chapter, though. XD Skipping to the end before you review will not be tolerated! (Don't worry, there are only nine.)

Warning: I have made L _slightly_ OOC. Not that different, but he's clumsy, a bit underconfident, and likes to go out drinking. Also, Misa is less loyal, and more easy-going. And Light is sort of a mixture of Kira-Light and Innocent-Light. I sort of mixed them up to what I thought they'd be like if they were raised differently, in a different world, no Kira or detectives or anything. Basically, not too much has changed, but you may notice some things they might not normally do.

Title: Mud-caked Shoes

Pairings: L/Light, L/Misa, Light/Misa

Rating: M for sexual situations, alchohol usage, and language

Summary: L is the loser, Misa is his model girlfriend, and Light is the man who stole her away. If L wants to get revenge on this guy, he'll have to get his hands dirty... or his feet.

Disclaimer: Kit Pocket owns no part of Death Note whatsoever. This is a nonprofit work of fiction made for entertainment purposes only.

Thank you, and enjoy.

--

"_Reality is an illusion that occurs due to lack of alchohol." –Anonymous _

--

L's room was a mess. The bed was unmade and covered in shirts, ties, and pants. The floor was in similar disarray, but with bits of various food thrown into the mix; his bathroom floor was flooded. Someone had written "L is for Loser" on his wall in dark red ketchup; he suspected himself.

At that moment, he stood in front of the mirror, just staring at his reflection. He had never cared about his outside appearance, and he didn't care now, but he had to admit, he looked awful.

His hair was tangled and twisted in all different directions, even worse than it normally was. The bags under his eyes had somehow gotten darker, and his shirt—heaven knows how or why—was ripped all the way down the middle. He wasn't sure where his pants had gone off to.

What he really wished for was someone in his apartment that he could turn to and say, "Man, that was some party, wasn't it?"

Unfortunately, there had been no party, and there was no one in his apartment. There was only him and the chaos.

L slumped over to his bed, pushing off the clothes and falling face-first onto the pillows. He groaned and winced as pain shot through his skull. "…ow."

_Fact: hangovers suck ass._

Lifting his head, he surveyed the damage once more. Scowling, he returned to pushing his eyes into the plain white pillowcase beneath him.

_Fact: this is going to take an eternity to clean up._

Sighing, he turned over on the bed, putting an arm over his eyes to block the sunlight coming from the window. "What exactly did I do?" he asked no one in particular, wincing at the croaky sound of his own voice grating his ears.

Trying to clear his mind, L thought back as far as he could. He could only remember bits and pieces, so he put everything together from that.

Through the haze in his mind, he pictured himself stumbling around the room in a drunken stupor, pulling random clothes out of the closet and sending them flying. Angrily knocking down the lamp (and such a nice lamp, too) while clutching a bottle of vodka, taking a swig and then moving on to his refrigerator. Grabbing handfuls of leftover pizza and falling to the floor to grind the dough, sauce and condiments into the carpet, shouting and yelling until he managed to get the people from the floor below knocking on their ceilings with broom handles.

He couldn't figure out what had happened in the bathroom, though now that he thought about it, the pieces from the broken lamp had mysteriously disappeared.

Now that he had figured out just what had happened, and that yes, it _was_ him, and not the mysterious room-destroying rhinos that had sent his apartment into such disarray, L's headache began to grow significantly worse. Groaning, L pushed his palm against his forehead, futilely attempting to ease the pain and make himself think clearly once more.

What had happened to make him do this? Why had he felt the need to attack his living space? Had the apartment insulted his mother?

_Oh, wait. Now I remember._

Sitting up, L reached over the side of the mattress. His hand grabbed in the air randomly, searching the floor until he found what he needed to find. It was underneath the bed, and somehow still a quarter full.

He pulled the bottle up by the neck and took another gulp of vodka.

_Fact: Misa Amane is the biggest bitch in history._

--

L Lawliet was a happy man, and lived a happy life. Lived in a nice apartment, worked in a good company, and got paid well. Always had time to have his morning coffee, and wasn't addicted to any mind-melting substances.

Not to mention, the light of his life, his little ray of sunshine, his beautiful girlfriend, Misa Amane.

Well, admittedly, he wouldn't call her the 'light of his life' or his 'little ray of sunshine'; those nicknames were actually her idea. She apparently had a thing for luminosity. But she was certainly a perk in his daily routine.

Misa was what L looked forward to while he was wasting his intelligence and talent in front of a computer screen, his only motivation while he designed software for the people of the world. Being an engineer was a boring job at the most exciting moments, but he just thought about coming home to her smiling face, and he would suddenly not care anymore. It didn't matter how long the meeting would be, or if his cubicle seemed to magically shrink, or if he was randomly placed on a team to motivate the other employees. She would always be there for him at the end of the day, to rub his shoulders and take away the stress of working in a box.

After a year and a half of going out with her, L knew Misa was getting tired of their relationship being at a stand-still. And now that they lived together, there were no more steps to take but the last one. L had never really put thought into whether he wanted to reach the top of the stairs or not, but with someone like Misa, whatever was at the end had to be worth taking the plunge.

He took money out of his savings, bought the ring, and began planning the time and place. Everything had to be perfect; luckily, he had the perfect opportunity.

Every Friday, L and Misa would go out to eat. They took turns picking restaurants, and this Friday was L's turn. He had gotten everything set up ahead of time, and all he had left to do was wait.

Friday finally came, and L was feeling nervous, but determined. While Misa was in the bathroom fixing her hair, L put on the nicest suit he owned; black, virgin wool. As he adjusted his tie and tightened it against his neck, the small box in his pocket rubbed against his thigh. Reaching down and putting a hand over it, he smiled.

_Tonight's the night…_

"Lolly, are we going now?" asked Misa, wearing a décolleté spaghetti strap black dress and gothic heels. She looked dazzling; L had to do a double-take before he could answer.

"You look very nice, Misa-san," L finally murmured, walking over to her and leaning down to kiss her tenderly. He pulled away and beamed. "Let's go."

She nervously grinned back.

In the car on the way to the restaurant, Misa stared out the window while L kept his eyes on the road. Usually they'd be making casual conversation, talking about their daily lives and the lives of their peers—well, actually, Misa would talk, and L would usually just listen and make little noises of agreement every now and then. He wasn't one for chitchat, and Misa often talked enough for the both of them.

But tonight she didn't say a word.

"Are you all right, Misa-san?" L asked, slowing down for a red light. He glanced at the young woman next to him, her face illuminated by the red glow of the traffic signal.

"I'm fine," Misa replied, not looking at him. She twirled a piece of her blonde hair around her pinky, watching people walk past them on the sidewalk. "Where are we going?"

"It's a surprise, Misa-san," said L, his foot easing off of the brake as the light flashed from red to green. "But we're almost there."

At last, they came to their destination; the New York Bar. He pulled into the parking lot, climbed out, and crossed over to Misa's side. Opening the door for her, he took her by the hand and helped her out of the car.

Misa stepped out carefully, letting go of his hand as soon as she had balanced properly in her stiletto heels. She glanced up, and her eyes widened. "The New York Bar?" asked Misa, incredulous. "You made reservations, then? I thought we were going to a fancy ramen place or something!"

"I don't wear a suit and tie for ramen," said L, entwining his arms with hers and leading her into the restaurant.

After they had taken their seats and ordered some champagne, L got to business. Gathering his resolve, L clasped his hands together and leaned forward on the table. "Misa-san…"

"Lolly, I need to talk to you," Misa interrupted, leaning forward as well. She looked nervous, but stern, like a kindergarten teacher scolding a student for something that they hadn't known was wrong.

Bad sign.

"Listen, we've been through a lot, and I've loved the time we've spent together," she continued, twiddling her thumbs, realizing she was twiddling her thumbs, and then placing her hands in her lap. "Really, I have. I just think… it's time to move on."

L blinked. "…What?"

_This isn't happening, right?_ he thought, sticking his hand in his pocket mindlessly, fondling the precious velvet box. _This is just too ironic._

"Sorry, Lolly," she murmured, smiling sheepishly. Standing up, Misa leaned over the table and kissed L's cheek. "Thanks for everything," she said, pulling the chair back and walking away from the table. "I'll get a cab."

With that, she was gone, without even an explanation as to why it had to end.

L just stared at the place where Misa had sat in stunned silence. He pulled out the ring box and laid it on the table, opening it as though he were showing it to someone who wasn't there, but should have been. His face didn't change, not showing any sign of hurt or anger or anything; he was just shocked.

Only moments after Misa had left, the waitress came to the table, holding a bottle of sparkling wine. She glanced at the empty seat, then at the ring box, and then at the man with the expression that made her wonder whether he was alive or just a wax figurine. She considered waving a hand in front of the man's face, but decided not to and instead tried speaking to him. "…Champagne?"

L looked up at her slowly, then back at the empty seat across from him.

"Leave the bottle."

--

A sudden knock at the door sent L's head on a whirlwind adventure through the world of pain.

"Ohhnn," L groaned, squeezing his eyes shut and rubbing his temples. The person at the door knocked again, and L called hoarsely, "One moment, please…"

He opened the door just a crack, peeking his head out to see who it could be. A vague hope sprung up in the back of his mind as he looked; could it be Misa, come back to beg for forgiveness? His beautiful, lovely Misa, here to ask L to take her back?

_Yes, I'll take you back, my Misa! Don't worry; daddy's not mad at you…_

"Come to poppa," L muttered, his mind still fuzzy.

"The hell?" spat the delivery man, a fat, hairy person in great need of a bath.

His spirits falling, L opened the door all the way. He opened his mouth to say something, a greeting of sorts, perhaps. Before he could say anything, the man thrust a small brown package into L's arms, and stormed off.

Annoyed at the rudeness but not really caring at the moment, L shut the door, tossed the empty vodka bottle to the ground, and proceeded to rip open the package.

He pulled out a small, white box and an envelope that smelt of perfume. It was from Misa.

Sitting on the bed, L put the letter aside and opened the box. Inside was a heart-shaped silver locket that L had gotten Misa for her birthday only a month ago. L scowled, throwing it to the ground angrily.

Tossing the box away as well, L picked up the envelope next. Ripping it open and pulling out a piece of paper folded in half, L raised an eyebrow.

_A dying message? Perhaps it was too awkward for her to explain in person… Or maybe… Maybe she was forced into it, and she snuck this letter to me to explain that she doesn't actually want to leave me!_

Filled with new hope, L unfolded the paper and began to read.

_**Hey, Lolly! Again, sorry. It just didn't work out, you're too creepy for me.**_

_**Anyway, I wanted to let you know that I'm all right. I got all my stuff out last night—you didn't come home, though, hope you got back okay! Anyway, I'm staying with my boyfriend, Light. He's such a sweetie, he's letting me live with him on such short notice!!**_

_**Well, I need to go, so here's that necklace thingy you gave me. It just doesn't match anything, sorry. I'll keep your other gifts, though, so don't think it's personal or anything!!**_

_**Knew you'd understand. Bye!**_

_**Misa-Misa **_

_**(PS Light says hi!!)**_

L stared at the words, horrified. All previous hopes had flushed down his drain of disappointment.

_Creepy… boyfriend… didn't match… he says HI?_

The paper fell onto the bed, and L shot to his feet. Grabbing his coat and car keys, L stormed furiously out of his apartment. He slammed the door and ignored the angry yells from his neighbors, pulling on his coat as he stomped down the hall. Ramming his finger into the 'down' button repeatedly, L tapped his foot and shifted his weight here and there restlessly.

Finally the doors pulled open, and L rushed into the elevator. He pushed the button for the first floor, and the doors shut, annoyingly smooth jazz easing out of the radio.

L sighed and fell back against the wall, trying to focus on the soft hum of the elevator as it drifted slowly downward.

_I need a drink._

_--_

**Author's Notes: **And there we have Chapter 1! Man, Misa is mean...

Everything I know about working in a company, I learned from Dilbert. So L is an engineer.

That note is version 3.0. I'm finally satasfied with it!

I did research on Kanto region restaurants. The New York Bar is real, my friends! The description said "romantic, make reservations", which is why L is wearing a tux. I hope that attire fits the atmosphere, I couldn't find too many pictures or that much information on it...

Doesn't L look sexy in a suit? I mean, in the mental image? I think so.

Please review!


	2. Chapter 2: Go to Zee Window

Welcome to Chapter 2! This chapter shows more of L's OOC-ness, so please remember that it's intentional.

Please enjoy!

--

"_Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut." –Ernest Hemingway _

--

A few hours had passed since he had left the apartment, and L was ready for action. All of his courage was restored, and he felt like he would fly if he jumped off of a tall enough building.

In other words, he was hammered.

After a quick search of the phone book, L knew his destination. As he had suspected, 'Light' was not a very common name.

He had everything he needed; toilet paper, eggs, and some bottles of spray paint. Though, in the past, he had never really considered vandalism to be such a good idea, it suddenly seemed like the greatest idea in the world. The thought that it was currently one o'clock in the afternoon and bright daylight out didn't occur to him.

Choosing to walk, L tottered down the sidewalk, carrying his weapons of choice. Determination set in his mind, the walk seemed to be much shorter than it actually was. After a half hour that felt like five minutes, L was there.

It was a nice place; a couple of floors, not too big or too small, though maybe a bit on the roomy side. The color was a soft cream, and the door was mahogany wood, warm and beautifully carved.

L couldn't wait to mutilate it.

Putting his supplies down, L grabbed an egg and prepared to fire.

"Five, four, three, two, one," L muttered, swaying on his feet, "Missile launch!"

The egg was sent flying just as the door of the house opened.

"Who are—ah!" yelled the man, raising his arms to block his face as the egg splattered all over his hair. "Damn it!"

"H… ha!" L yelled, tottering back and forth on the street. "Direct hit!" He raised an eyebrow as he realized the man was coming straight for him. "Uh-oh… Retaliation…"

"Listen, you goddamned drunk," the man growled, grabbing L by the shirt to keep him from running away. "You had better take off before I call the police. Do you understand me?"

L tried to glare at him, but missed and ended up glaring at a mailbox. "You… You stole my girlfriend!"

"When?" the man asked, not skipping a beat.

"When…? Just yesterday!" L yelled, raising his fists. He launched a punch, but the man grabbed his hand before it could hit. L didn't really notice, and went on yelling. "Give back Misa-Misa!"

"Misa? Oh, you're the creepy guy, Lolly or something," said the man, scowling. "You're worse than she described. Do you have bats living in that hair or something?"

"My name isn't Lolly!" yelled L, kicking at the man's heels and missing by a long shot.

"Ugh, you stink, too," the man continued, scrunching up his nose at the disgusting mixture of alchohol and sweat. He glanced around, realizing that L was attracting attention. "Come inside. You're causing a commotion."

"I'll cause you a commotion," L murmured, turning his glare back to the man's chest. "Darn it, missed again…"

Rolling his eyes, the man dragged L into the house, L kicking and screaming all the way there.

The man tossed L inside, shutting the door behind them. Falling through the air, L just barely regained his balance, waving his arms wildly. Once he was settled on his own two feet, L reached for the nearest blunt object to promptly murder the girlfriend-stealing bastard. He chose a tall lamp, grey and sleek and definitely murder weapon material, if he managed to hit hard enough.

But before he could grab hold of it, the man seized him by the arm angrily. L winced at the tight hold and tried to pull out futilely. Exasperated, the man yanked on L's arm and yelled, "Quit it!"

L turned to look at him and passed out.

--

When L woke up, he was laying on a couch that he didn't recognize in a room that wasn't his with another intense headache. Realizing he was still in the home of the girlfriend-stealing-bastard, AKA Light Yagami's house, he scowled. Was he actually being taken care of by the person who had taken his girlfriend away?

Apparently he was. There was a pillow propping his head up, and the scent of a strong tea was wafting through the air. Turning his head to get a better look, he saw that, indeed, on the coffee table next to him, the man had a cup of tea waiting. Also waiting was the man, who had been reading on a nearby armchair before L awoke, and had moved closer to the sofa when he had woken up to offer L the drink. L took it cautiously, sniffing it for poison.

"It'll help," said the man, pointing to the cup, "Your headache, I mean."

Still wary, L took a sip. It was surprisingly delicious, though horribly strong. His headache began to clear up, and he sighed with relief.

He glanced up to thank the man, but paused. His gaze stayed locked on the face of the man who had been treating him so kindly.

"You're… Light Yagami, yes?" asked L, swallowing nervously. _This man…_

"Yeah," said Light, nodding. "And you're…" He looked up thoughtfully, and then glanced back down, a look of recollection crossing his features. "…L?"

"Lawliet," said L, still staring, "L Lawliet."

It wasn't exactly what he had been expecting. Honestly, he had been hoping for somebody ugly. Deep inside he had known that Light _had_ to be handsome, but what he hadn't been anticipating was someone who was absolutely _gorgeous_.

_God damn it, I can't win._

"Is your headache feeling any better?" asked Light, his amber eyes shining with genuine concern. L admired the unique and lovely color, taking note of how the equally beautiful auburn hair matched so perfectly.

"Yes, better," L forced out, ignoring the pang of jealousy in the pit of his stomach. _Such an attractive man… And I'm… Argh!_

"That's good," said Light, smiling politely. L couldn't help but notice the feminine eyelashes, the soft-looking tan skin, thin but muscled torso…

L blinked. _Okay, easing into weird there… _Biting his lip, L held back the annoyed grumblings threatening to escape from his lips. _He __**is**__ radiant, isn't he? The name suits him. …Bastard._

He pushed the thoughts away and cleared his throat preparing to speak.

"I'm very sorry for any problems I may have caused," said L carefully, sitting up and pulling his knees into his chest. He wasn't really sorry, but he didn't feel like making a huge mess for himself. Chewing his thumb, he continued, "I am told that I am a very out of character drunk."

With that, he waited, gauging Light's reaction to his apology.

Light just stared at him blankly. "…What are you doing?"

That wasn't quite what he had expected. "I am apologizing."

Shaking his head, Light pointed to L's posture. "No, why are you sitting like that?"

"Because," said L, his head tilting to the side, "It helps me think."

Light stared at him for a minute longer, before shrugging it off. He stood from the armchair, walking to the window. Placing his arms behind his back, he said, "So… You came to take Misa back?"

"Apparently," said L, nodding, "But in all honesty, I can't really remember."

After another moment of silence, Light turned around, a courteous smile planted on his lips once more. "Well, then, I suppose we can just forget that this whole thing ever happened and move on with our lives."

Translation: Get out of my house, you freak, I'm sick of looking at your face.

L blinked at the hidden message inside that sentence. How very rude. "Excuse me, but I have apologized for getting drunk over the girlfriend you stole. Have you nothing to say?"

Light's eyebrows shot up. "Beg pardon?"

"Now that I look back on it, I do believe that in the note left by Misa-san, she said you said 'hi'," L continued, speaking smoothly and casually, "I find that awfully… what's the word I'm looking for… sadistic? Cruel? Evil is a bit much, but then, exaggeration always does help to get a point across…"

The courteous smile had disappeared. "You want me to apologize." It was more a statement than a question.

"Not really," said L, shrugging, "Apologies don't really suit the situation, I suppose. Maybe an explanation."

"She left _you_ for _me_," said Light, his lips twitching up in a smug smirk, "Any more explanation necessary?"

L tilted his head to the side innocently. "Yes."

Since L actually thought that Light's explanation made perfect sense, he figured that what he had said could be considered very rude (perhaps even worthy of one of those 'burn' things). But Light didn't react angrily; in fact, he was frighteningly calm.

"Follow me," Light murmured, his tone cool and innocent, "I've got something I want to show you." Turning towards the stairway, Light climbed onto the first step and began to ascend upstairs. L, confused but curious, followed behind the man without pause.

At the top of the stairs, Light turned down a hallway and through a door, assuming L was still following. L walked inside, glancing around curiously. He assumed it was the master bedroom, though it currently lacked a bed and contained only a wardrobe and a laundry basket. Light stood in the middle of it, waiting for L to come by his side.

When L came to stand beside him, Light waved to the only window in the room. It was wide and tall, and the bottom of the window actually reached the floor. It was an odd thing, but beautiful; L admired it for a moment, wondering if this was what Light wanted to show him, for whatever reason.

But it apparently wasn't, because Light quickly moved on, stepping to the window and unlatching it. He pulled it open, and breathed in deeply as a cool breeze came through it and twirled his hair around his face. His face went peaceful, his eyes fluttering closed as he released a long sigh. L watched on in fascination.

His eyes flying back open, as though he were remembering something he needed to do, Light turned back to L, gesturing to the spot next to him. "Okay, stand here."

Without thinking, L did as he was told, looking out at the view serenely. "It's very lovely."

"Yes, but that's not what I wanted to show you," said Light, stepping away from the window. He got behind L, and wrapped his hands around the black-haired man's waist. L glanced down, confused, as he felt Light's body press against his. Putting his lips by L's ear, Light whispered, "Now I'll stand here…"

L's breath hitched. _What the--_

"…And push you off."

Before he could even finish his thought, L found himself flying towards the ground, straight into the rosebushes.

--

"Not my greatest moment," L muttered, plucking a thorn out of his toe.

He had managed to avoid hitting the rosebushes directly, but his right leg had gotten badly scratched. When he pushed himself up and glared at the window, he saw that Light had merely closed the window and left, so L ended up dragging himself to the nearest park and onto the first bench he found. He lay there, groaning, for quite a while before even taking a look at his leg; though he wasn't badly injured physically, his pride was definitely bruised.

"Well, I suppose I can just give up on getting Misa back." L sighed, chewing on his thumb. "There's no way to win her back from a guy like that." He paused. New determination in his eyes, he stood, clenching his fists.

"But I will not give up on Light Yagami," L muttered darkly. His eyes narrowed. "He will rue this day… Rue!"

Devising revenge plots in his mind, L began to walk home, smirking evilly. He continued smirking the whole time he was walking, and people dodged him on the sidewalk, giving him odd looks.

He was halfway through Evil Plot #34 when a bar came into view.

Stopping in front of it, L stared longingly through the window at the many bottles on the shelves.

Plot or get drunk… Plot or get drunk…

As he walked in, he grumbled, "I'm going to become an alcoholic at this rate…"

--

**Author's Notes:** You go, L! No, wait, not in the bar...

Please review!


	3. Chapter 3: Gotcha

--

"_All paid jobs absorb and degrade the mind." –Aristotle _

--

"Master L," called a kind, elderly voice, "I believe you may have a problem."

L grunted, blinking his eyes open. "Indeed I do, Watari."

Watari was the older gentleman who lived across from L in his apartment building. Having been a butler before he retired, Watari had taken to calling people 'master' or 'mistress'; some found it odd, but L just took it in stride and accepted the man's friendship. Mostly because the friendship had occasionally benefited L, when he needed lessons on etiquette for dates with Misa…

_Oh yeah. _L groaned as he remembered. _Misa…_

"Well, it's good that you know," said Watari, "That's the first step. Now then, Master L… Would you like to get off of the bench?"

"…Yes. Of course." L sat up on the bench in the lobby of his apartment building, cringing at his sore muscles. He glanced at his clothes; his shirt was stained in some places—he must have spilled something on it last night—and his fly was undone. Zipping it up nonchalantly, he turned to Watari. "…What time is it?"

"It is 630 hours presently, Master L," said the white-haired man. L, now that he was sitting up, could see that Watari was dressed in his regular suit, holding the leash that kept his Shiba Inu, Ryuzaki, by his side. Usually Ryuzaki would have to stay in the apartment's kennel, but Watari, ultimate dog-lover (and having nothing else to do), took the dog on walks nearly all day long to keep it from getting bored. L assumed that Watari had found him while taking Ryuzaki on his first walk of the day.

_Wait._ L blinked. _It's six-thirty in the morning. That means…_

L shot up from the bench, staggering for a bit and then regaining balance. "If you'll excuse me, Watari," he said, raising a finger in the air, as though he were declaring something of utmost importance, "I am going to be late for work."

Watari watched calmly as L stormed up the stairs to his apartment. Once L was gone, he looked back down at Ryuzaki. "No need to worry, Ryuzaki," he said comfortingly, "Master L is not going to need an intervention. He is just having a bad week."

With that, they walked out of the building, Ryuzaki's nails clacking against the tile.

--

Pulling on his coat and grabbing his briefcase, L ran out of his room and stormed down the stairs. His feet moved rapidly enough to blur, and if L hadn't been in such a rush, he would've timed himself to see if he could break a world record. But he had no time for that. Though he hated his job, and would much rather be in some better position at his company—CEO, vice president, something small like that—it paid the bills, and he couldn't afford to be late.

As he reached the bottom of the stairs, he patted down his hair as an afterthought. As he ran a hand through his black, disheveled locks, he missed the fact that his shoelaces had come untied and were starting to go wild.

His left leg went up, his right foot went down, and before you could say 'Merry Christmas', L was flying.

"AUGH!" He knocked his forehead against a step, did a somersault in midair, and landed flat on the tile, skidding to a halt.

If this humiliation wasn't enough, his briefcase flew after him, bouncing off of his head and sliding away. He heard the person behind the front desk snicker.

Having no time to lie there and moan about the ache in his skull, or even glare at the man who found his pain funny, L flew up again, tying his shoes in a hurry before grabbing his briefcase and running from the building.

How he hated Mondays.

--

"Mr. Lawliet," Mr. Ruvie said with forced calm, gritting his teeth, "You are late. Not only that, but your tie is coming undone, you are slouching even more than usual, and there is a hideous red blotch on your forehead."

"That would be blood, sir," said L, itching to wipe the blood away with his sleeve, but knowing better than to do so in front of his boss.

"Yes. Of course. Anyway. The point of the matter is, these are problems," Mr. Ruvie continued, leaning back in his large, plush chair. He narrowed his eyes and snorted, eyeing L like the engineer was a juvenile delinquent. "Serious problems. As you should know already, because I only call people into my office when the situation is serious."

_And when a woman wearing a police uniform under her coat feels you deserve to be punished. _"Yes, I know, sir."

"I'm not going to fire you, because you're our best engineer; one of the most important assets in our company." Scowling with obvious disappointment, Mr. Ruvie kicked his feet up onto the desk. L had gotten off the hook quite a few times because of his skill; at this point, it was common knowledge that Mr. Ruvie wanted him gone. The scowl disappeared, and it suddenly seemed as though he were holding back a vicious smirk. "But too much more of this, and I'll have no choice."

_You'd like that, wouldn't you?_ thought L, keeping his expression emotionless. "Roger," he said, nodding. "I mean, I understand."

Mr. Ruvie frowned again, his nose twitching. He crossed his feet on the desk, accidentally knocking over a trophy for some managing accomplishment. Ruvie ignored it, attempting to look like he had meant to do so. "Yes. Well. Get back to work."

L turned to leave, scowling when Mr. Ruvie could no longer see his face. _I truly despise being called an 'asset'._

--

Once work was finally over and done, L grabbed his things and practically ran (but didn't, Ruvie was watching) out of the building. Once he was outside, he unleashed an exhausted sigh that he had been holding in all day. _Now I can move on to more important matters._

Choosing to walk home, L turned and began to stroll down the sidewalk, throwing his briefcase over his shoulder. It was time to decide on a plan.

But despite the fact that he had come up with so many yesterday, none seemed to be quite right. Anyway, most of them involved chloroform, rope, and approaching trains, so a majority of them were instantly eliminated. He sorted through his possible, relatively legal options, chewing his lip.

_Egging his home is obviously out. And I doubt I could steal __**his**__ girlfriend, since she's the one that left me for him in the first place._ He glanced up at the sky, which was getting dark with rain clouds. A rumble of thunder broke across the sky. _Perhaps I could make it rain inside of his house somehow. Drive him insane._

He looked back down, watching as the sidewalk was decorated with grey specks of rain. People began to run past him, holding coats and newspapers over their heads. Some lucky few had had the foresight to carry umbrellas, and they pushed past him, their eyes locked on the ground. Everyone seemed to be in a hurry, now that there was a little bit of water falling on their heads. L continued his slow and steady pace. He had always enjoyed the rain.

A cool drop hit his nose, and he wiped it off with the back of his hand. Pulling his hand back to look, he admired the shine of the moisture against his pale skin. It looked clean, smooth. It reminded him of how spotless and organized Light's house had been.

Turning his gaze to the street, he eyed a puddle of mud that had been splattered over the asphalt by attacking tires.

As a motorcycle drove through the puddle, splashing muck onto screeching teenage girls, inspiration struck.

L's eyes narrowed. _I know what I must do._

--

"Yes?" asked Light politely, opening the door. He took one look at who was there, and his face fell, transforming his courtesy into a disdainful glare of death. "Why are _you_ here?"

"Hello, Light-kun," said L pleasantly, smiling.

Before Light could slam the door shut, L had forced his way in, making a point of scuffing his shoes against the tile. He gazed around with mock wonder, mouth agape. "Such a lovely home you have, Light-kun!"

"Don't call me that, like we're friends or something," the younger man spat angrily. Glancing down at L's tracks, Light shrieked. The reaction reminded L of past experiences involving Misa and a cockroach. "Your _shoes_! Your shoes are completely covered in _**mud**_!"

L glanced at his shoes, which were indeed coated with muck, and then back up at Light, his eyes wide. "Why, so they are." He raised his arms into the air, watching as water dripped onto the floor. "Oh my. And I am soaking wet. What a predicament."

"Augh! My floor!" Pulling at his hair in panic, Light shouted, "Take off your shoes, _take off your shoes_!"

Shrugging, L pulled off his shoes and tossed them onto the carpet. Light screamed again, running to the dirty footwear and pulling them off of the carpeting. He held them at a distance, trying to not get dirt on his fingers, and ran to the back door. He placed them outside and lined them up evenly, most likely out of habit. When that was done, he let out a long sigh of relief, and then returned to L, glare back on full-force. "What the hell is wrong with you?! Get out of my house!"

"I thought we were friends, Light-kun," said L, tilting his head to the side innocently and sticking his hands in his pockets.

"I pushed you out of a window," Light deadpanned.

"And…" L pulled a tape recorder out of his pocket, hitting the stop button with a 'click'. "…Gotcha."

Light stared at the tape recorder, his expression blank. "…Excuse me?"

"You have just confessed to a federal crime, Light Yagami," L explained, "And I have it captured on tape." L walked over to the couch, lying down on it and propping his feet up on the coffee table. "I like your house, Light-kun. I don't think I want to leave." Holding up the recorder and waving it around, he continued, "And I don't think you want me to leave either."

Scowling and rushing towards him, Light reached out to grab the tape, but L had better reflexes than Light had anticipated. Light suddenly found himself with a sweaty, putrid foot in his face.

Gagging, Light pushed it away in disgust. Wiping at his face with his sleeve, he shouted, "Did you just run a marathon or something?!"

"I do not enjoy wearing socks, Light-kun," said L, wiggling his bare toes in the air. He set them back down on the coffee table, crossing his legs. "Surely you noticed the lack of them when I removed my shoes."

His lips twitching in horror, Light murmured, "Oh… Oh my…" He took a deep breath, regaining his composure. Clenching his fists, Light restrained his anger as much as possible as he forced out, "Get your dirty. Smelly. Feet. Off. Of. My. Table."

"All right." L moved his feet onto the sofa.

"I'm going to kill you," Light snarled, lunging at L with his fist pulled back.

L kicked at Light again, this time hitting him in the chest. Light tumbled backwards as the wind was knocked out of him, tripping over the coffee table and falling to the floor. As L got up and tucked the tape recorder safely away, Light recovered and stood, putting up his fists. L moved around the table and did a spin-kick to Light's left side, but Light was prepared and grabbed the leg before it hit. Staggering, L struggled to pull his leg out of Light's grasp. Throwing his fist back and letting go of the man's leg, Light struck L with all his strength, his knuckles connecting with L's nose with a sickening crack. Stammering backwards, L kept himself from falling by grabbing onto the arm of the couch. He wiped the blood away from his split lip and bleeding nose, straightening up as Light stalked over to him menacingly. Before Light could attack again, L threw his own fist back, launching it just as the front door opened.

Misa walked in just in time to see her boyfriend get punched in the jaw.

L shook his fist in pain—he had always liked kicking better than punching, it hurt less. Light fell backwards once more, his back hitting the opposite wall. He groaned, rubbing his bruised chin and wincing.

L glanced to the door and blinked. "Oh… Hello, Misa-san."

--

"He committed the first act of violence. I have proof," L insisted futilely, holding up the tape recorder as the door was slammed in his face.

Scowling and trudging away, L muttered, "Note to self: Misa comes home at 6:45 PM. Leave before that time."

--

**Author's Notes:** In case it wasn't clear, Mr. Ruvie is Roger. He was the only person I could picture bossing L around. XD And believe me, I thought for a _long_ time...

Please review!

(edit: I reposted this, and forgot what the title of the chapter was... Does anyone remember?)


	4. Chapter 4: Damn Interesting Conversation

This is the shortest chapter. As hard as I tried, I couldn't make it any longer...

...That... sounded wrong...

Please enjoy the chapter!

--

"_The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed." –Carl Jung_

--

Standing on the welcome mat, L waved the cassette in the air in front of Light's face. "Hello, Light-kun."

Light snatched it out of his hands and snapped it in half, tossing the pieces to the ground.

"If you honestly think I would bring my only tape here, you must think of me as a very stupid man," said L, calmly putting his hands in his pockets. "Quite frankly, I am offended."

L made a move to step inside. Scowling, Light moved out of the way, watching in disdain as L's mud-caked shoes scraped against his floor. Shutting the door, his irritation was clear in his voice as he spat, "What do you want?"

"In the big picture, I wish for you to suffer greatly at my hand, the torture of my daily visits wearing you down until you can only wish that you had said: 'No, Misa, we mustn't! You have a boyfriend, we can't see each other.'" L did a lap through the house, tracking mud from the kitchen tile to the living room carpet. Finally, he made it back to the front door, and removed his shoes, placing them side-by-side in perfect symmetry. He looked up into Light's horrified expression and added, "In the meantime, I would like some tea. And some cake, if you have any."

Light sneered, his nostrils flaring. He opened his mouth as if to say something, decided against it, and closed his mouth again. Grumbling something under his breath, Light stormed off to the kitchen as L took a seat on the couch. Grabbing the remote, L flipped on the television casually.

Surfing through channels, L ignored the various sports, anime and game shows, stopping when he found the news. He leaned back in his seat, stretching his legs and sighing with contentment.

After a while, Light walked out with a tray holding two cups of tea, a bowl of sugar cubes, and a thin slice of chocolate cake. He put it on the coffee table, glaring at L. "Is this acceptable?" he asked sarcastically.

"Why, yes, thank you." L got up, his eyes gleaming. He licked his lips at the sight of the dessert. "And you even have cake. How wonderful."

"Misa made it a few days ago," Light muttered, grabbing his own tea. He dropped in a sugar cube and took a sip, acting perfectly calm as he sat down on a nearby chair. He turned his attention to the news, trying to focus on the reports of crimes and disasters instead of on the intruder in his house.

This proved to be difficult—L had realized that there was no limit to his sugar intake in Light's home, and under those circumstances, he was difficult to ignore. He started by grabbing a handful of sugar cubes, tossing it into his tea. This caught Light's attention; he raised an eyebrow, glancing at the man. His eyes widened as the first handful was followed by another, and then another, handful upon handful until there was a pile of sugar cubes in L's cup. With one final sugar cube, L was satisfied, and watched happily as the sugar melted into his drink.

Ignoring Light's revolted gaze, L turned back to the television, drinking his tea with a small smile on his lips. Light set down his tea with a grimace, suddenly not wanting the drink anywhere near his stomach.

The two watched in silence. As a criminal report came on, Light murmured, "Someone needs to do something about these criminals."

L blinked at the sudden comment, turning to Light with vague interest. "And what would you suggest?"

"Well… Though I don't like the thought of it that much," Light said thoughtfully, scratching his neck mindlessly, "It seems to me that the only solution might be to have someone sort of… eliminate them. Get rid of the bad people and leave only good people remaining."

"That wouldn't work," said L, taking a sip of his tea. He sighed happily at the sweet, syrupy drink rolling down his tongue. He had forgotten that Light made such good tea.

"And why not?" asked Light, raising an eyebrow and crossing his arms over his chest.

"Because it is in human nature to do bad things," L explained, putting down his cup. "It's just that different people commit wrongs on different levels. For instance, some people sin by killing each other…" L picked up the cake and a fork. "…and some sin by eating cake. Observe." Raising a forkful of cake to his lips, L took it into his mouth. He gasped the instant it hit his tongue, practically moaning at the flavor and scent of rich chocolate attacking his brain, the moist, soft texture rubbing against his taste buds. A smile spreading over his lips, he murmured, "Oh, trespass sweetly urged…"

"It certainly seems like a sin when you eat it like _that_," Light muttered, looking almost embarrassed to be watching L's intense reaction.

Coming back to his senses, L put the cake down and quickly swallowed. "Please excuse me. Misa-san didn't allow me to have sweets while we were dating, so it's been a while…" _I'm telling this to the man who took her from me? _"Anyway, the point being that the capacity for evil is in everyone."

"That's awfully pessimistic. If everyone has the capacity for evil, why doesn't the whole human population go out and shoot each other?" asked Light, looking skeptical.

L picked up his cup, lifting it to his lips. "It depends on the loss and gain of the situation. Not to mention the person's willpower, morals, and motives," he said, taking a sip of tea.

"Then there _are_ good people. You're just supporting my point," Light argued, smirking.

Smirking as well, L put his cup back down. "And yet, I am not." His hand twitched towards the cake; to stop himself, he brought his thumb to his lips. "All those factors can change quite easily, Light-kun." Chewing on his thumb, he continued, "A good person can become a bad person in an instant."

"But if they had a reason to never kill, or steal, or commit any crime," Light insisted, leaning forward in his seat. "No one would ever do anything wrong. At least, no one would _plan_ to do anything wrong."

"You're talking about the risk of being eliminated, yes?" asked L, drawing his knees into his chest. "If that happened, then indeed, Light-kun, no crime would be premeditated… But people would become robots. Going through life in constant fear that one wrong move could kill them. That's no way to live."

"You have a point there," said Light, fiddling with a strand of his hair as he thought it through, "But... Once there were only good people, surely everything would change. There wouldn't even be a need for the killing anymore, so they wouldn't have to be afraid."

"But as soon as they were free from that rule, everyone would go nuts. People who had been waiting to do things until the person punishing them was gone would go on a rampage. People who didn't even want to do anything will start committing crimes, only because they feel they suddenly _can_. The set form of justice would be gone, so they would think that the rules of morality had changed… That it had become acceptable to steal, to assault, to murder." L grabbed his tea and took a drink before continuing. "It is a plan doomed to fail." He looked up in contemplation. "Not to mention there would be people fighting against this 'killer of justice' along the way. Police and such."

"Even if this plan is doomed to fail, as you say… Who do you think would win?" asked Light, resting his chin in his hand and leaning his elbow on his knee. "The killer or the police?"

L blinked. "Hmm… Well…"  
--

"If that happened, the whole world would just _explode_ into riots," Light was saying, when L's cellphone suddenly went off.

Taking it out, L frowned. "Hm… I must be off. Misa-san shall arrive in approximately two minutes." Standing up off of the couch, he said, "It's been lovely having this little tête-à-tête with you, Light-kun, but I must be off."

"Did you drive here?" asked Light, also getting up.

"No need to get up, Light-kun," said L, waving him down. "And I walked. No worries." He glanced towards the door as he heard someone pulling into the driveway. "Ah, Misa-san is home. In that case, top speed. Warp ten."

Light sat back down, raising an eyebrow as L grabbed his shoes and walked away from the front door.

"I'll just take my usual exit," L called from the other room. "Now, where is that window?"

Light chuckled, listening as the back door shut. When he was sure L was gone, he stood to take the dishes away. As he moved to take the empty cup L had left behind, Light felt something crunch under his foot.

Looking down at the now dry mud in his carpet, Light suddenly remembered that L had been there to blackmail him.

Cursing to himself, Light snatched the dishes up and piled them in a heap on top of his tray. Stalking off to the kitchen, he muttered, "Damn him and his interesting conversation!"

--

**Author's Notes:** All right, that part where L ate the cake and talked about it being sin for some people? I got that idea from another fanfiction, but I'm not sure which one. I'm thinking it might be from Shades of Mystification by HellaGoddess (a must-read), but it could be from somewhere else. I just don't know.

If you recognize that from your fanfiction and want me to remove it, please tell me. I'll change it to the best of my ability, but please understand that I only liked the idea of calling eating cake a sin, and did not mean to steal anything. Again, please tell me if it was your idea, and you want me to remove it.

All that aside, please review!


	5. Chapter 5: He's on Fire

--

"_Work is the curse of the drinking classes." –Oscar Wilde _

--

"Lawliet-san," called Light, wearing Misa's old white apron, his hair tied back with a handkerchief as he scrubbed at the dirt on his floor with a mop, "Why is it, after two months of this, you still insist on tracking mud through my home?"

"As I have said before, call me L. Lawliet-san sounds much too formal." L walked out of the kitchen, holding a sugar cookie. "And the mud is necessary for my revenge… Not to mention, you just look so cute when you wear that apron," said L, pinching Light's cheek as he walked past.

Light frowned and rubbed at his face where L had pinched it, glaring nonchalantly at him. Pausing in his cleaning, Light leaned against the mop handle, saying, "But we don't even fight over Misa. In fact, we don't even fight at all. How can you honestly use that excuse, when you don't even act like you're doing this to scorn me anymore?"

"Simple," said L, sitting down in a black swivel chair that sat in front of Light's computer armoire, "I use it _dis_honestly."

Rolling his eyes, Light asked, "Can you at least come in wearing clean shoes, then? Or maybe some socks? You can just eat all my food for revenge."

"Light-kun, I will only wear clean shoes or socks if I have a very good reason to," said L, taking a bite out of the treat in his hand. "And so far, I have no reason to."

Sighing, Light went back to mopping the floor, focusing all his attention to a spot that refused to get out. L watched him, thinking back on the past two months, during which the two of them had formed an odd friendship. Light was intelligent and easy to talk to, and Misa had quickly faded from L's mind. He assumed it was because he had sufficiently gotten his revenge in no time at all. His favorite cake wasn't cheap.

Now that he thought about it, L hadn't even told Light to buy his favorite cake. He had just mentioned which one it was one day and it was suddenly always in Light's refrigerator. Once he had eaten a whole cake in one sitting, and there was more the next day.

"This isn't like a blackmail situation at all," L suddenly blurted out, pressing his thumb against his lips. "This is like… Let's see…" L looked up thoughtfully. "Like we're close relatives, perhaps."

Without looking up from his mopping, Light raised an eyebrow. "Relatives? Hm… I suppose so."

"No, no, wait. That's not it in the slightest," said L, shaking the notion out of his head. He tapped his fingers against his chin. "When you think about it, it's really more like we're having an affair."

The mop handle suddenly jerked back, knocking Light in the gut. Coughing and hacking, Light doubled over in pain, thumping his chest in an attempt to get himself breathing.

L watched with wide eyes, wondering if he ought to help or not. Before he could decide, Light had recovered.

"So," Light said, a little too loudly, "How can you have time to come here and hang out every day? Don't you have anything else you need to do?"

Finishing the rest of the cookie, L leaned back in his chair, licking a crumb off of his lip. "No."

--

"You have missed three exceedingly crucial meetings," Mr. Ruvie exclaimed, hatred raging in his eyes as he waved L's attendance records in the air, "In the past month."

L somehow managed to keep his expression innocent and his voice calm, but he could feel his eyes blazing with anger to match Mr. Ruvie's. "Why yes, I have, sir."

"Why?" Mr. Ruvie spat, slapping the papers onto his desk. He leaned on the desk with his elbow, attempting to stare L down. "Is this company not _good enough_ for you? Do you just have something _better_ to do than your _job_?"

L blinked in mock astonishment. "You have better insight than I realized, sir."

Growling, Ruvie yelled, "This is exactly the kind of attitude that gets you into these situations, Mr. Lawliet. You have no respect for others, not even your superiors!" Mr. Ruvie pounded his fist against his desk childishly, to make it clear that he demanded respect.

"I respect others, sir," said L, "But only those who I feel deserve it."

Mr. Ruvie's lips twitched into a snarl. Suddenly, it melted into a smug, evil smirk. "You leave me with no choice, Mr. Lawliet."

Taking a deep breath, L prepared himself. _Here it comes._

"**You're** **fired**."

--

"And he… He didn't even give it to me _gently_," L yelled, not to anyone in particular, "He _smirked_! I'm not kidding! He gave me an evil grin and was like—cackle cackle cackle YOU'RE FIRED!" L threw his head back, downing the rest of his drink in one shot. A small stream of sake didn't make it through his lips, dribbling down his neck to his shirt, where it left a faint stain. Slamming his cup down on the bar, he continued, "Reminded me of freakin' Count Olaf!"

He turned to the person next to him, his eyelids drooping. "You know who Count Olaf is, right? Right?" The man slowly shook his head, focusing all his attention on the bar with broken eyes. L waved him off, muttering, "Whatever, maybe it's more of an English thing." Leaning forward on his seat, he whispered to the bartender who was passing by. "I speak English, you know."

"Really," the man said sarcastically, grabbing a pitcher and wiping it dry with a dishrag.

"Along with… with… uh… Fifteen, yeah, fifteen different languages. _Fluently_," L insisted. "I'm a _genius_."

"If that's true, then why'd you get fired?" the bartender muttered under his breath, putting away the pitcher and grabbing another.

"_Va te faire foutre_," L spat. He held out his cup, shaking it at the bartender impatiently. "More sake."

"You've had enough," said the bartender, glaring at him.

L scowled and tossed his cup to the table. He apparently threw it harder than he meant to, because it bounced off and struck the bartender in the forehead.

While L laughed himself off of his chair, the bartender gathered some patrons to help throw L into the street.

--

Staggering down the sidewalk, L dodged the occasional can thrown at his head and ignored the car horns honking at him.

"No one respects a drunken man," L muttered, slouching over and sticking his hands in his pockets. "A drunken **asset**." Realizing having his hands in his pockets was not helping his balance whatsoever, he took them out again. "In English… _asset_. _Ass-hat_." He laughed dryly at his own joke as another car honked at him.

After a while longer, L realized that the car's horn was still blaring. In fact, the car was slowing down next to him.

_Uh-oh. _Kids these days were stupid and violent; was he about to be beat up? It seemed likely.

He shielded his head from the undoubtedly incoming barrage of sticks and stones.

The window rolled down, and a familiar face appeared behind it. "L? _L_!"

"Light… Light…" L struggled to get his thoughts straight, putting down his arms. "…Light-chan?"

"Light-chan?" Light blinked, not sure whether to be angry or to ignore it. L suddenly staggered to the left, tripping over nothing, and Light let it go, his eyes widening in horror. "L… are you _drunk_?"

"Actually, some would say that my current condition is 'wasted'." Raising his thumb, L hit his chin a few times before he finally got it to his mouth. Instead of chewing, he began sucking his thumb, tottering to the side again.

"Yeah, I can see that." Light got out of his car, putting a hand on L's arm to help steady him. "Do you feel nauseous at all?"

"Not at the current moment, sir," said L, taking his thumb out of his mouth to hold on to Light's shoulder. "But I am a walking time bomb. I may explode, watch yourself."

"Well, you don't seem _that_ drunk," said Light, raising an eyebrow. Light led L to the car, opening the door for him.

"I was a bit sobered up by being thrown onto the pavement," said L, getting in the front seat next to the driver's place. He pumped his fist in the air. "But I am… okay! Light-chan mustn't worry!"

"Never mind, you're that drunk." Light got in front of the wheel, closing the door and putting on his seat belt. He turned the key to start the engine, and then began driving slowly, as to not upset L's stomach.

"How did you find me, Light-chan?" asked L, rolling his head towards Light.

"You didn't show up today, so I…" Blushing, Light quickly fell silent.

"You went looking for me?" L started chewing on his forefinger, and Light nodded curtly. "How very kind." Light's blush grew darker.

"Well, I mean, you've shown up every day and then you're not there without telling me you'd be gone," Light explained in a rush, focusing his stare on the road. "And I suppose I was a bit worried, and Misa was somewhere else anyway so I thought I should try and find you…"

"Relax, Light-chan," said L, patting Light on the back. "Just take me home, that's all that matters."

"Where is it again?" asked Light, realizing that he had no idea where he was going.

"Ahh, right around here," said L, recognizing a sign, "I can walk from this place."

"I don't think that's a good idea."

Light was ignored. L opened the door of the car and got out, waving to Light as he walked towards the apartment building.

"Bye, Light-chan," he called, before turning around and walking away.

Sighing, Light waved back and drove home.

--

"Master L," said Watari, standing over L with disappointment in his eyes, "You need to stop doing this."

L groaned, turning over on the bench. "I know, Watari, I know."

--

**Author's Notes:** L is such a weird drunk, isn't he?

When I wrote about Roger smirking, I pictured Count Olaf... I just had to have L say it... That's why L is referring to a children's book. XD; (If you don't know who Count Olaf is, he's the villain in Series of Unfortunate Events.)

As for what L said in French, I'll just tell you it's rude. XD

Please review!


	6. Chapter 6: The Only Solution

--

"_The wine urges me on, the bewitching wine, which sets even a wise man to singing and to laughing gently and rouses him up to dance and brings forth words which were better unspoken." –Homer, the Odyssey _

--

It had been a week since L had been fired. Having saved money for a few years, L had enough to sustain himself for a few months without a regular salary, but he knew that wasn't really a lot of time and so was searching avidly for a new job. He wanted to work in something other than engineering—which he had absolutely _hated_, but had been good at—so he had been searching his talents as well as the classifieds.

As it turns out, L had intelligence, but no talents. At least, none that he knew of. And that didn't look very good on a resume.

Obviously, the first week of job hunting was a failure.

Thinking Light might have a position available at his workplace (wherever he worked; L had forgotten to ask), L went to Light's house a bit early that Sunday.

When he walked into the house, Light was staring at the television screen, watching a tape on his VCR. His eyes were cold.

Gingerly removing his shoes, L wondered vaguely if today wasn't the best day to track mud through Light's house. He sat down next to Light on the couch, gently prodding him in the shoulder to get his attention. When Light didn't respond, he asked hesitantly, "…Light-kun?"

"She dumped me," Light murmured, his voice listless and dull, "She dumped me in a _video_!"

L glanced at the screen, which was currently playing static. "A… video?"

Without saying another word, Light rewound the tape, and the two of them watched it together.

When the video began playing, Misa was adjusting the camera, her face taking up nearly the whole frame. _**"Is this thing on?" **_Apparently deeming it usable, she giggled and ran away from the camera, coming to stand next to a red-haired American man. _**"Okay, we can start now!"**_

The man waved at the camera, and Misa clung to him, saying,_** "Hey, Light! It's me, Misa! And this is Tyra!"**_

"_**Misa, sweetie, my name is Tyler,"**_ said the man, wrapping an arm around her shoulder.

"_**But that's too hard to say,"**_ Misa whined, pouting. _**"You're Tyra now!"**_

Tyler shrugged and waved at the camera again. Misa giggled and hugged him tighter.

"_**Anyway, Tyra came from America on business, and we just hit it off! He's amazing!"**_ She looked up at him, a happy blush filling her cheeks. _**"We're going back to America together!"**_

"_**And there, you'll be my cute little house wife, won't you, Misa?"**_ Tyler lifted her by the chin so they were looking into each other's eyes.

"_**Yep!"**_ She pushed herself up so they could kiss, wrapping her arms around his neck. The two began making out on camera, exchanging tongues and fluids for about a minute. _**"Mmm…"**_

"_**Ah… Misa…"**_

"_**Mm, Tyra… Oh, right!" **_Misa suddenly broke their lip-lock, turning back to the camera. Slightly flustered, Misa continued talking excitedly. _**"So, Light… By the time you see this, I'll be gone."**_ A sheepish grin crossed her lips. _**"Sorry!"**_

Tyler waved at the camera one last time before the screen went black.

L and Light stared at the TV, the silence thick with awkward tension.

"A foreigner," Light finally said, "A foreigner! Here on _business_!"

"I know how you feel," said L, putting a hand on his shoulder. "And I know just what we need to do."

Light groaned and held his head in his hands, leaning back on the sofa. "What?"

"We must go out drinking."

--

"I can't believe her," Light yelled, spilling some of his drink. "You just can't… Can't trust women!"

"Hear, hear," called a man on the far side of the bar.

"Light-kun," L said gently, "Perhaps you should slow down. You've had three glasses, and your mind is loosening." He looked down at his half-empty glass; it was his second. "You're beating _me_. That is not a good thing."

Ignoring him, Light wrapped his arm around L's shoulder. "L, man, I'm sorry. I never should've gone out with Misa. But, you know, you know, on our second date, she told me she had a boyfriend—and then she asked me when our third date would be!" Light took another swig and slammed the glass on the bar. "What a _bitch_!"

"Please calm down, Light-kun," said L, seeing the bartender glare at them. "In case you thought otherwise, no, I actually do not enjoy being tossed into the street."

"I wonder how many times she's done that, eh?" Light was ranting now, waving his hands in the air. "I bet it's her hobby! She travels from guy to guy, going from Japan to America to the freakin' North Pole!" Suddenly solemn, Light ran a hand through his hair, sighing. "Old, young, short, tall, ugly, beautiful… It doesn't matter. She'll take them all. Men are her pawns!"

He finished off the last of his glass and slid it aside. "You know what? **Screw** women!" Light whipped his head towards L. "Let's be gay!"

Fisting L's hair, Light pulled the shocked man forward and crashed their lips together.

L was frozen, his eyes wide. He was unable to push Light away, as he had to grip the counter tightly to keep himself from falling off of his stool. Light was certainly making no moves to break the kiss, and L vaguely wondered if they would just stay there until one of them fell asleep. Or passed out from lack of oxygen.

L's eyelids began to droop involuntarily. _Light-kun's lips are… soft…_

"All right, all right, break it up already!" yelled the bartender, throwing a damp towel at Light's head.

Light pulled away from L to glare at the man lazily, taking his hand out of L's black locks to lean forward on the counter. "What was that for?"

When Light removed his hand, L knew he couldn't hold on any longer. His hand slipped off of the counter, and he waved his arms wildly, trying to grab onto something, anything, as he fell. The stool fell with him, and both man and chair clattered to the floor.

Light and the bartender watched, the bartender cringing when L hit the ground.

"Timber," said Light, giggling.

--

"All right, Light-kun, we have drunk away our sorrows," said L, closing Light's bedroom door, "So it is time for you to collapse on the bed and sleep until you wake up with an immense hangover. And as it is not good to break tradition, I suggest you get to sleep now."

"You want me in bed that badly, L?" asked Light drunkenly, laughing as he stumbled across the room.

"Yes," said L, "For bed is where you sleep."

Light sighed and collapsed on the bed, lying on his back and staring up at the ceiling. "Thank you, L, you're… you're the best of best buddies ever. _Ever_ ever. I mean it."

"…You're welcome. I think." L chewed on his thumb, his brow furrowing. "You know, Light-kun, you are one of the strangest drunks I have ever—"

"L," Light interrupted. "Come over here."

"Eh?" L blinked. "Um… All right, Light-kun."

L walked over to the edge of the bed, and Light sat up on the mattress. "Is there something you wanted, Light—"

Light's hand shot up and grabbed L by the back of the neck, pulling him down into a sloppy kiss.

"Hrmgh?!" L tried to yank himself out of Light's grasp, but Light held on. Light pulled down harder, and L found himself toppling onto the bed, involuntarily pinning Light when he stuck out his arms to catch himself.

Light let go of L's neck, throwing his head back and spreading his arms on the bed like he was flying. "Let's have _sex_!"

"This is the second time tonight you have kissed me without warning and made me fall over, Light-kun," said L slowly, swallowing as he looked down at Light's 'give-it-to-me' pose. "You are drunk."

"You know what? You're sexy." Light flipped his head back forward, his eyes shining through the haze of intoxication. "Not, not just sexy, you know… You're… You're _gorgeous_."

"Light-kun is _very_ drunk." L tried to push himself up, but Light quickly latched onto his arm. L glared at Light's hand, tugging at his arm futilely. "Light-kun should let me go now, before he does anything else he will regret in the morning."

"Misa's a bitch, L," Light murmured, wrapping his arms around L's neck, "She was just eating that guy's face. What's up with that?" Light suddenly pulled down, making L collapse against him again. "Freakin' bitch."

Not answering Light's tired cursing, L stayed still. He listened as Light's breathing slowed until, finally, the man was asleep.

Pushing himself off of Light, L started to roll off the bed. He paused when he felt Light's hand clinging to his sleeve.

Sighing, L laid down next to Light on the mattress, thinking, _I suppose it wouldn't hurt to spend the night here._

Lying side by side, the two held each other loosely as they drifted off into dreams.

--

**Author's Notes:** All together now... D'awwww.

I have to say, I burst out laughing when I wrote Light's drunk scene... XDD

Side note: Tyra--I mean, Tyler--is a cameo by one of my online buddies, who told me as a joke to hook him up with Misa in my story. I was inspired. XD Goodbye, Misa. Have fun in America!

Please review!


	7. Chapter 7: Call Me Ryuzaki

--

"_Sometimes the lies you tell are less frightening than the loneliness you might feel if you stop telling them." –Brock Clarke_

--

The sun was shining, birds were singing, and the newspaper missed hitting the puddle. Children laughed happily as they walked to school, and neighbors waved to each other as they passed by on their morning walks. Someone somewhere was baking something, making the air smell faintly of vanilla. Anyone could see that it was going to be a fine day.

Except maybe Light, who was too busy focusing on the pain wracking his skull.

"Ungh," Light groaned, sitting up in bed and clasping his forehead. "What did I _do_ last night?"

Feeling something move against him, Light looked down. L was curled up against his chest, fast asleep.

"Ahh," Light muttered calmly, "_That's_ what I did."

--_ five seconds later _--

"Light-kun!" L shot out of bed, rushing to Light's side on the floor. "Light-kun, why did you scream?"

"You… I… Me… We," Light stammered, looking from the bed to L, his mouth agape with horror. "We… We went out drinking… A-and…"

Grabbing Light's shoulders firmly, L looked into Light's eyes with an unwavering stare. "Light-kun. I assure you, we did not do anything."

"B-but…" Light groaned as he remembered, his head drooping. "I was trying to… to _seduce_ you! Oh my god!"

"You were drunk. And there was no harm done," L insisted. "…Though I do have a few bruises, but those were my fault."

Sighing, Light visibly relaxed, and L let go of his shoulders. The two sat in comfortable silence as Light regained his bearings.

"But I must say," said L, chewing on his thumb to hide his smirk, "It's odd that you are so horrified by the thought of us doing anything, considering you were the one who wanted me to pound you into the mattress."

Light choked, blushing. "Excuse me?!"

"You were begging me for it," L went on, allowing his smirk to spread, "_'Oh, L, let's have sex! You're gorgeous!'_"

"I was drunk!" Light yelled, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Then you don't really find me gorgeous? I'm hurt." L frowned in mock sorrow. "I suppose I should have known, I mean, with my features..."

Light snapped, "You _are_ gorgeo--"

He quickly snapped his mouth shut, turning bright red.

There was silence again, but it wasn't as comfortable as last time.

"Do you want breakfast? I'll make us tea for our headaches," Light said quickly, getting off of the floor and leaving the room.

"Yes, please, Light-kun," said L, scuffling after him.

--

After they had eaten their breakfast, L and Light sat in the living room, drinking tea. The two were taking a pause in their conversation to enjoy the sounds of the morning, the scent of their drinks filling the air. It was a very relaxing atmosphere, unless you happened to be afraid of birds and tea.

Suddenly, Light's eyes widened. He sat up, turning to L. "L, do you have to go to work? It's Monday!"

L froze. Though he had come to the younger man's house the other day to ask for help finding a job, he suddenly didn't feel like admitting that he was out of a job. Especially not to Light. "…What about you? Don't you need to go to work?"

"I called in sick while I was making breakfast—took the day off," said Light, shrugging. "But what about you? Where do you work, anyway?"

"Um… I make my own hours," said L, managing to keep his voice steady through his nerves.

"Really? You're your own boss?" Light sounded impressed, raising his eyebrows. He leaned back in his seat, asking, "So, you own a business?"

"…Yes. I actually make a fair amount of money." L hoped Light wouldn't notice the sweat that he could swear was rolling down his forehead. _What the heck am I doing?_

Light smiled, his eyes shining. "What's your trade?"

"I'm a… private detective." _Yes, and I have a sidekick: Rex, the mind-reading unicorn. I just __**had**__ to choose a fantasy career like a P.I._

"Whoa! I should have known it was something like that. You _do_ have a very high intelligence," said Light, taking a sip of his tea.

_Oh, yes. I'm a freaking __**genius**__. _"I work from my apartment, really. It's an interesting arrangement."

"Your apartment?" Light looked up thoughtfully. "Hmm… An apartment, the headquarters of a private investigator…" He smiled. "Must be a nice place."

"Even nicer than the rat's nest in the alley," L muttered under his breath.

Light blinked. "What?"

L blinked back. "What?"

"Um… Never mind." Light set down his cup on the coffee table, leaning back in his seat. "I know it's horribly rude of me to ask this, but… You know, I've been wondering what it's like where you live, and a private detective's home sounds awfully exciting. Do you think I could come and see it sometime?"

"Of course. In fact," said L, cursing himself mentally, "Why don't you come over tomorrow, for dinner?"

Light's eyes lit up. "Sure!"

--

"Crap crap crap crap crap crap…"

L raced down the sidewalk, legs and arms swinging in full force to get him where he needed to be as quickly as humanly possible. People dodged out of his way, and L ignored the curses shot in his direction as he approached an old man and a Shiba Inu.

"Watari!" L skidded to a stop in front of the two, stumbling for a bit before recovering his balance. "Watari, I need your help."

"Oh, I've been hoping you'd come to me," said Watari, a relieved smile on his face. "I know of a good alcoholics group nearby, and I looked up some hotlines…"

"Not with that."

Watari's face fell. Sighing, he gave L a small bow. "How may I assist you, Master L?"

--

"Welcome, Master Light," said Watari, wearing his best suit as he opened the door to the apartment. "Is there anything I can get for you?"

Light's eyes were wide as he answered, "Um… no thank you…"

Watari just gave a bow and left to the kitchen. L walked forward, wearing a button-up shirt and his regular jeans.

"Hello, Light-kun," said L, "Welcome to my humble home."

"You have a _butler_?" Light whispered, looking like he thought he was in the wrong place. Though L's jeans must have been comforting, Light appeared to find himself underdressed in his dark red sweater and black pants.

"Does that bother you?" L wondered vaguely if he ought to lead the younger man to the sitting room. A picture of him offering his arm to Light popped into his mind.

_What? It's not like this is a date. …Wait, is it? I invited Light-kun to dinner. Even if we are two __**male**__ friends, this has date written all over it. What he must think of me! Though… he accepted…_

Breaking his train of thought, Light said, "Well, it's a little unnerving, but I suppose I can deal with it."

"Master L," said Watari, coming out of the kitchen, "Dinner is ready."

"Thank you, Watari," said L, nodding to him. He turned to Light. "Shall we?"

Light laughed. "Lead on."

--

"I was right," said Light, looking around the dining room with wonder, "This _is_ a nice place."

"All the furniture was carved by hand, and the fine china came from all across the world," said L, gesturing to the collections of beautiful tableware inside of a dark red armoire with glass doors. There were also paintings of exquisite gardens overflowing with flowers and trees, each one with decorative fountains that poured silver droplets into the air. L waved his hand in the direction of the best painting. "That one there is actually an original of Monet."

Light's eyes widened. "How on Earth did you get that one?"

"It's a long story that I am prohibited to release to anyone," said L. _Watari refused to tell me._

Chuckling, Light turned back to his dinner, a steak with mushrooms on the side. "This is excellent, L. Did… Watari, make this?"

"Yes," L admitted sheepishly. "I'm afraid I'm not very good at cooking."

Light nodded with understanding, cutting out a piece of steak. He chewed it slowly, savoring the spices and flavors; a look of bliss graced his features, making L swallow and blush. L looked down at his steak, embarrassed.

"You know, I work with the police, and we've had to look up private detectives from time to time," said Light, taking a drink of his wine, "And I've never really seen your name pop up… And L isn't a very common name, so I think I would've remembered." He laughed, a warm, soft sound, and set his glass down. Watari came in, seeing Light's glass was nearly empty, and refilled it. Light thanked him, then turned back to L. "Do you use an alias? Maybe I've seen you before."

"Oh, yes, I use an alias," said L, trying to think quickly. "They call me Ryuzaki."

Watari gave a snort that sounded suspiciously like a laugh.

"Is something wrong, Watari?" asked L, whipping his head to Watari with wide, threatening eyes.

"Nothing, sir." Watari bowed politely and left the room.

L watched him leave, then turned back to Light. "So, you work for the police?"

--

The evening had gone perfectly. The food had been excellent, Watari had played his role without slip-up, and L had been able to answer all questions without pause. Not once had Light seemed to suspect that L had been lying; it was actually unnerving how well L had fooled him.

In fact, the more L thought about it, the more unnerving it was. Was he that good at being something he's not? So good that even Light, of all people, didn't doubt him?

Or did Light just trust him enough to feel like he didn't have to?

"Thank you for inviting me, L," said Light, standing in the doorway. "I had fun; it was nice to finally see _your_ home."

"Light-kun," said L, "I have something I need to tell you."

"What is it?" asked Light, raising an eyebrow.

L took a deep breath, then burst out, "I lied."

Light blinked. "…What?"

"This isn't my home, it's Watari's," said L. He pointed to the door across the hall. "_That_ would be my home."

Glancing at it, a look of understanding crossed Light's face. The fact that the door was scratched and the cockroach that suddenly crawled under the door certainly got the point across.

"You aren't a private detective," said Light, his eyes darkening, "And you're actually just a regular guy, middle-class—poor, maybe—who gets kicks from lying to people they were supposedly friends with. Is that it?"

"It's all true, up to the last part." L stepped forward so he and Light were only half a foot apart. Light stepped farther back, and L put a hand on the doorframe. "I did not want to lie to you, Light-kun, but I didn't want you to think of me as someone not worth your time…"

"Oh, don't give me some cheesy reason like that. You thought being normal wasn't _good enough_?" Glaring, Light crossed his arms over his chest. "I've been talking to you for two months, without even knowing where you lived. Why would you being less than extraordinary financially matter? Not to mention, even it made a difference, I'd have to talk to you anyway, because you happen to be _blackmailing_ me."

"I admit I wasn't actually thinking when I first started this charade," said L, taking another step towards Light.

"So why do you care what I think about you?" Light gripped his arm tightly, like he was holding in his anger. "Why would you _lie_?"

"Because, Light-kun, I…I…" L struggled to find the right words, gave up, and decided to move on to actions.

Going with his instincts, L put his hands on Light's shoulders and kissed him senseless.

Apparently, Light was also going with his instincts, for L was sure the man wouldn't have slapped him if he was thinking clearly.

"What the _hell_ do you think you're doing?" Light hissed. He tried to pull away, but L's hands held him in place.

Ignoring the pain in his cheek, L said, "You've felt it, haven't you?"

"Let go." Light started to pull back harder, but L just pulled him in closer. "I said, let go!"

"Light-kun, you've felt it," L continued, staring at Light fiercely, willing him to look into his eyes. "I know you have."

"Are you nuts?" Light yelled. Hearing someone grumble something from another room, he quickly hushed his voice. "And doing this only two days after Misa broke up with me…"

"You weren't that upset, Light-kun. You had the same reaction as me; you were angry she left you, but not all that sad she was gone," said L, realizing as he said these things how true they were. Sure, he had occasionally wanted Misa to come back to him, but it was more out of pride; not once had he really attempted to win her back. "But Light-kun, if you… left me, or began to hate me, I would be devastated, crushed, broken…"

"Usually, to _leave_ someone, you have to be in a relationship, and I don't think _blackmailing_ counts." Light wasn't fighting anymore, but he still refused to look in L's eyes. "Let go already."

"I was going to do this tonight." L let go of Light's shoulders to reach into his pocket; Light didn't leave, or even make a move to, and only watched in vague curiosity. Finding what he was looking for, L pulled out a cassette. "This is the original—and only—copy of your confession." Holding it between his fingers, L snapped it cleanly in half. "I'm not blackmailing you from this day forward."

Looking at the pieces of the broken tape with an odd, nonchalant expression, Light looked into L's eyes at last. His eyes were full of a disdain that stung L to his very core. "Good. Now I can keep you and your filthy shoes out of my house."

Turning away, Light walked down the hall, leaving L standing in the doorway. L made no move to stop him.

--

**Author's Notes:** Can you picture L in AA?

L: Hello, my name is L, and--

Random person: Your name is _L_?

L: Yes, my name is L Lawliet, and--

Random Person: Wait, wait, wait. Your name is _**L**_?!

L: Yes! And I've been sober for two hours. Don't make me go off and ruin my chances at a record, because believe me, you're making me want to drink.

XDD Well, it makes _me_ laugh.

Please review!


	8. Chapter 8: Heavenly Hell

All right, everyone. I should let you know, this is where the M-rating truly comes into play.

My very first sex scene. It was... surprisingly easy to write. ; I'm just worried about it being any good, really. I hope it is.

Please enjoy the chapter!

--

"_Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place." –Billy Crystal_

--

Light opened the door a crack, and L took his chance, wedging his foot in the door. He pressed his eye against the door, trying to look inside, but he only managed to see part of Light's face. "Hello, Light-kun."

"You're being a little creepy, you know that?" Light growled, irritation clear in his voice.

"Yes, but I'm afraid I am lacking the experience necessary to _not _be creepy in this situation," said L, trying to push the door open a bit more. It didn't budge. "Please let me in, Light-kun. You care for me."

"Why do you keep saying that?" Light tried to push the door shut, but L's foot stayed in place.

L winced at the door being pushed painfully into his skin, but kept talking. "Because it's true, Light-kun, we both know that."

"You're not blackmailing me anymore, I can call the police on you," said Light, pushing on the door once more.

"Please stop that, Light-kun." Light stopped pushing on the door, and L smiled. "You _do_ care for me."

"Shut up! Stop _saying_ that!" His eyes narrowing in anger, Light made a move to slam the door viciously.

"Wait!" L yelled, a little panicked. Quickly regaining his composure, he continued, "…Wait. I have something to show you, Light-kun, if you'll just let me in."

"What is it?" asked Light, his eye still narrowed with suspicion.

"It'll only be meaningful if you see it," L insisted, leaning in and pressing his face further against the door.

Hesitating for a moment, Light begrudgingly opened the door. L slowly stepped inside.

Light watched in amazement as L slipped off his clean shoes and stood on the tile in his spotless white socks.

--

Tumbling backwards, Light's back hit the frame of his bedroom door. He gasped at the sudden pain, his arms wrapped around L's neck. L didn't seem to notice the impact, and continued licking and sucking at Light's skin, biting the tan neck tenderly. Moaning softly, Light started inching them through the door. L stopped attacking Light's neck and lifted his head to capture the younger man's mouth with his, slipping his tongue inside to savor his cinnamon-sugar flavor. The kiss made Light weak in the knees, and they staggered backwards together, hitting the bed and falling on top of the blankets.

Panting and clothes rustling together the only sounds in the room, L and Light wordlessly began to undress each other. Light pulled off L's white socks, smiling at them as he tossed them aside and kicked off his own. L unbuttoned Light's shirt clumsily, rushing to push the buttons through the holes and doing so at an annoyingly slow speed. Light didn't seem to care, kissing L's neck and grinding his hips against the other man's. He hooked his fingers in the waistband of L's jeans, attempting to pull them down. When that didn't work, Light tried unzipping them first, and he managed to get L's pants to his knees by the time L reach the second-to-last shirt button.

"Boxers," Light commented, regarding L's undergarments with amusement. "Plaid?"

"I think they flatter my figure," L stated jokingly. He smiled with satisfaction as he finally finished unbuttoning Light's shirt, and Light pulled it off slowly, smirking at L with lust-filled eyes as he pushed the fabric off of his shoulders. L leaned in and whispered into Light's ear. "You don't need to give me that look when we're already in bed, Light-kun…"

"So true. Now take your goddamned shirt off," Light whispered back.

"All right." Lifting the sweater over his head, L tossed it to the side. Smirking, he leaned over Light and pressed his palms against the mattress, trapping the other's body between his arms. "Your turn. Pants off, Light-kun."

Chuckling, Light reached down and began unzipping his pants. When he was done, he pulled his knees up to his chest, and L gave him room to get his pants past his knees and then kick them off of the bed.

L raised a nonexistent eyebrow. "Boxers, Light-kun? Plaid? My, my. How strange."

"Great minds think alike," said Light, shrugging.

L leaned down, and Light tilted his head to give the older men better access. L kissed up Light's neck, nipping at the skin, making Light whimper. Blowing softly on the abused skin, L drank in the gasps coming from the man beneath him, feeling luscious heat pool in his lower regions. Looking up slyly, L took in Light's appearance; the sex flush, the bruised lips, the tousled hair. He moaned, Light's utter magnificence making his growing problem increasingly worse.

Smirking, Light reached up and ran his hands over L's chest, drawing circles around the man's nipples teasingly. Sitting up, Light hooked his fingers on the waistband of L's boxers, pausing when he suddenly tensed at the action. "…L?"

Suddenly hesitant, L said sheepishly, "Light-kun… There's something I ought to tell you."

"Do you… have a disease?" Light's fingers twitched, and he glanced down at L's crotch warily, like something down there was going to bite him.

"No, Light-kun, it's just…" L looked away nervously. "Misa and I… When we were together, we only had sex… twice."

"Weren't you together for over a year?" asked Light, raising an eyebrow. "Are you… um… not very good at it?"

L snorted. "I wouldn't say that, Light-kun," he said indignantly.

"Then I don't see the problem," said Light. His eyes widened. "Oh yeah!" He pointed to the dresser. "I have some condoms in the top drawer."

L looked at the drawer a bit nervously. He leaned over the side of the bed and pulled it open, surprised by the immense amount and diversity of its contents. "Always prepared, eh, Light-kun?"

"Misa used to say she liked those warming lubricant ones," Light said quietly.

"…Let's just ignore what Misa liked and go with a normal one." Grabbing a small plastic package and a tube of lubricant, L went back to his previous position pinning Light to the bed.

"Hold on," said Light, sitting up and moving back so he was away from the edge of the bed. L followed him, sitting with his knees on either side of Light's waist. Light raised an eyebrow. "You, uh, know how this works, right? I mean, I kind of know how men have sex, but… The details are a little hazy."

"I asked a gay coworker once, don't worry." He grabbed Light's boxers by the waistband and pulled them down, throwing them to the side and leaving Light completely naked on the bed. "…God, you're beautiful everywhere, Light-kun."

Light blushed, and L smiled, leaning over. Light gasped as L kissed the tip of his erection tenderly, taking just the end of it into his mouth and sucking softly. Bucking his hips prematurely, Light moaned and fisted L's hair.

"Ah-ah-ah, Light-kun," L scolded, breathing against Light's skin deliciously. Pulling up again, he squirted some of the lubricant onto his fingers, running the gel over them thoroughly. After that was done, he reached down beneath Light's legs, and began to push his index finger against the man's entrance.

"A-ah…" L pushed in all the way, and Light cringed. "Ow."

"Sorry. It gets better." L began pushing the finger in and out, and then pushed another finger in, scissoring his fingers to open the tight ring of muscle wider. All the while, Light's small noises of pain turned into little groans of pleasure.

When L added a third finger, Light's noises grew louder. "Hah… Hahn... Nn…"

L bit his lip, holding back his own moan. "Ahh, Light-kun…"

Light spread his legs further, his cheeks flushed from the sensation. "L, get in me already!" He tugged at the edge of L's boxers, getting impatient.

Gulping, L nodded nervously. "Yes… Right." Allowing Light to pull his boxers off all the way, he positioned himself awkwardly, trying to get control of his nerves.

Letting go of his hesitation, L thrust in. Light gasped, the feeling a mixture of various sensations; such a sudden intrusion was painful, but something brushed against something else, and there was an explosion of pleasure throughout his nether regions. L thrust in again, and he threw his head back in ecstasy. "_L_!"

Moaning, L went into a steady rhythm, pushing in and out of Light's entrance as the man twisted and panted his name beneath him. His mind fogging over, he went faster and faster, his eyes squeezing shut as he focused entirely on the feel of Light tightening around his cock.

As L brushed against Light's prostate over and over, so much heat gathering inside of him that he began to think he was going to explode, he went over the edge. "Light-kun!"

White light flashed through L's eyes as he came, thrusting once more before coming to halt to catch his breath.

Beneath him, Light had gone silent. The only sound to be heard was L, breathing heavily with the exhaustion of post-orgasm.

Finally, Light spoke. "What the _shit_?"

"I'm… sorry, Light-kun," L breathed, "You were making such wonderful sounds, and it felt so good…"

"What was that," Light continued angrily, "_**Five minutes**_?"

"I told you Misa and I only had sex twice," L said sheepishly, opening his eyes and glancing away from the man below him. "I am sorry, Light-kun…"

"Oh, never mind, the point is, I'm not done!" Light was yelling, incredibly frustrated at his lack of release. His hard-on was beginning to soften, and L was still inside of him, darn it! "Just get a new condom, we'll go again! Hurry up!"

L's eyes widened. Could he go another round? "But Light-kun—"

"Grab a new condom, damn it!"

L pulled out hastily, and Light involuntarily moaned at the sudden empty feeling inside of him. Moving to the dresser, L grabbed a condom at random and started putting it on. Fortunately, it was the same kind he had gotten last time. Unfortunately, he had forgotten to take off the first one. Annoyed at himself, L pulled off both and grabbed another package.

Light groaned, the loss of pleasure without satisfaction becoming more unbearable by the minute. "L…"

"I've got it on, Light-kun," L said quickly, returning to his previous place.

"Great, now get back in," Light yelled, arching his back to try and motivate L to move faster.

L did as he was told, pushing inside of Light once more, gasping. It was just as good as the first time. "Hahn… Ah… L-Light-kun…"

Sighing with relief at L's return, Light's eyes hazed over with lust and sensation. "Uhn, yes…"

Pulling out then pushing in again, L began to return to the speed he had been at before. His cheeks becoming increasingly red, all emotion being revealed in his face as he lost control. Hanging on to a sliver of his mind, he panted out, "Light-kun's cavern of sin is hot enough to be Hell itself, yet the feeling is so delicious that I confuse Hell with Heaven…"

"Speaking in verse is really passionate and sexy and all, but let's put that aside for now, okay?" Light gasped as L thrust against his prostate, arching his back instinctively to try and get L in deeper. "Now, L… Ahn… You need to listen to me!"

"Listening," L grunted.

"Okay, hah… You need to… ahh," Light moaned, his eyebrows furrowing as he tried desperately to get his words out. "Slow down!"

"B-but…" Giving up on speaking, L pulled out nearly all the way, and then pushed back in hard enough to make the bed creak, as though he were trying to make his point with a thrust.

His point got across, and Light's hips bucked into the air, the man wide-eyed and gasping at the fierce intrusion. But still he insisted, "Slower… Want this… to last!"

With some reluctance, L followed his orders, slowing his pace until he was entering Light slowly and smoothly. In and out, in and out; L clung to the last of his resolve and barely kept himself from breaking loose on Light's tight opening. It was maddening to know what he could be feeling, and to know how fantastic it would be if he were feeling it, but to still keep himself from it. "Uhn, _god_…"

"Just hold on," Light panted, a look of bliss crossing his features. "Ohh…"

In and out, in and out; slow and smooth, gentle and sweet…

"Just so you know," L breathed, pushing in again with a moan, "This is driving me insane…"

"Me too," Light gasped, "Screw lasting, go faster!"

"As you wish..." L sped up gradually, letting go of all his control as he pushed into the man beneath him.

As he pushed in, Light began pushing back, and they formed the beginnings of a rhythm; it was a little off, but it worked, and the pleasure increased for both males as they thrust their bodies against each other.

L had figured out the exact coordinates of Light's prostate by now, and aimed for it, brushing against it repeatedly. Light squirmed on the mattress, the intensity of the sensation driving him over the edge. "Hah… Ah! _L_!"

"I can't… hold on much longer… Light-kun," L groaned.

"That's fine, I'm—ahh!"

L came for the second time that night, the pleasure flashing through him more strongly than the first. With a final thrust, he gasped breathlessly, "I love you!"

Light followed shortly after, crying out in ecstasy as his cum shot out of the tip of his cock and splashed over his stomach.

Coming down from their orgasmic high, the two laid together silently on the bed, catching their breath. L pulled out of Light slowly, practically collapsing onto the other man with exhaustion.

After the both of them had regained part of their composure, Light sat up. "…What did you say? At the end?"

"I…" L blinked, realization, amazement, and utmost sincerity filling his eyes as he remembered. A small smile spread over his lips. "I love you."

Wrapping his arms around the other man's neck, Light kissed L's socks off.

--

**Author's Notes:** I have to say, and I hate to toot my own horn, but... Wasn't that the most amazingly weird transition to a sex scene EVER? XDD It made me giggle when I thought of it...

Please review!


	9. Chapter 9: Inspiration

--

"_Nothing can drown out the sound and the whisper of my love."_ _–How The Day Sounds, Greg Laswell_

--

Light was sitting in front of the open window, the breeze twirling his auburn locks around his face. A small smile lit his lips, the glow of the sunset illuminating his features. A petal from the rose bushes below was blown upward and through the window, spiraling through the air and brushing Light on the nose before falling onto the man's pant leg.

L sat down next to him, plucking the colorful thing off of Light's jeans. He lifted the soft red petal to his lips, looking up at Light lovingly as he gave it a tender kiss. Closing his eyes and holding it to his lips a moment more, L let go of the petal and opened his eyes to watch it circle through the air and away.

His smile spreading further, Light leaned over and pressed his lips against L's, feeling the leftover traces of the flower. Both shut their eyes, drinking in the feel of skin on skin.

They parted slowly, eyelids fluttering open. They watched each other in silence, their gazes heated with passion; no words were necessary.

"I love you," Light whispered.

"I love you too," L whispered back.

Wrapping their arms around each other, they turned back to the window to watch the sun fall through the pink and orange hues of the sky.

"Light-kun," L murmured, "Out of curiosity… Why do you have such an odd window?"

"This house used to be owned by an artist, who had it built in," Light explained, "When I asked him about it, he said the view inspired him."

Looking out of the window, a contemplative expression crossed L's face.

_I believe I'm being inspired… _

--

"A novel?" asked Light in surprise, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes… I believe I can do it," said L, nodding and opening his laptop. He turned it on, the machine giving a soft hum as the screen lit up. "I used to drabble in writing, but went on to engineering because I thought it wouldn't make a good career… Besides, how hard could it be?"

"You probably just insulted writers the world over," Light said jokingly, sitting next to L on the couch.

"As though they'll ever know I said it."

"So, what's it about?" asked Light, leaning on L's shoulder to get a better view of the computer screen.

Opening a writing program, L looked straight up at Light. "I can't tell you, Light-kun. You could steal my idea."

Light scoffed, turning to face L with an annoyed expression. "Are you kidding?"

"No. Anyway, even if I can _maybe_ trust you, you aren't going to be told." L tweaked Light's nose, then turned back to his computer screen. "You'll have to wait until it's published."

Rubbing his nose, Light frowned. "But _why_?"

"Because it's a surprise," said L. "Now stop reading over my shoulder."

"There's not even anything written yet," Light protested.

"That's because you refuse to stop reading over my shoulder. Now move away." Light did so, and L began to type. "Thank you."

Light considered sneaking a look at L's writing, but changed his mind and went outside. When he came back in, holding a pile of envelopes, L was halfway through his outline.

Sitting back down on the couch, making sure to stay a decent distance from L and his laptop, Light began to flip through the letters. "Bill, bill, bill… Hello." He lifted an envelope that smelled of perfume out of the stack. "It's a letter from Misa."

"Ignore it," said L, not looking up.

"It could be important," said Light, eyeing it wearily. His hands twitched to the seal, then back; read it, or don't?

L looked up to Light, staring firmly into the man's eyes. "_Ignore_ it, Light-kun."

Hesitating, Light glanced at the man next to him. At last, he nodded and tossed it aside. "You're right."

The letter fell to the ground, and stayed there.

--

Five months later, and L and Light had moved in together. L had recently finished his novel, and was waiting for the response from the publisher he had sent it to. Still he refused to tell Light what it was about, and Light impatiently waited for someone to publish it so he could read it. Another three and a half months, and Light was considering asking L to let him read it, before he simply lost interest.

But then the first letter came back; a kindly put rejection letter.

L stared at it quietly, and Light squeezed his shoulder reassuringly. "It's only the first letter."

He sent it out again. Two months later, another letter came. Again L's novel had been rejected. He sent it to a different publisher, but another rejection letter came, then another, and then another…

Frustrated and disappointed, L took to staring at his words on his computer screen.

Light was getting annoyed. "L, please stop moping."

"Light-kun," L said slowly, "You do not understand."

"So the first novel you've ever written got some rejection letters," Light said angrily, "Big deal! You can't just give up on your life like this!"

"I do not enjoy being told I'm not good enough," L spat. He shut his computer and left to the kitchen to get some cake.

"Oh, no, you don't… Come back here!" Light chased after him, grabbing L by the shoulder. "You _are_ good enough."

"You haven't even read my work," said L, not turning to look at him.

"That's not exactly my fault, now, is it?" Light shot back. Taking a calming breath, he continued, "I know you, L. You're good enough. You're better than good enough. I know it, and you should realize it too!" When L didn't say anything, Light kept talking. "These publishers are just thinking about profit, and what attracts audiences. It's not your _writing_!"

"How can you suggest that it's my _subject_ that gets rejected when you _haven't read it_?" L said again, turning to glare at the brunette holding onto him.

"Well, what else could it possibly be?!" Light yelled back, hands on his hips.

"Maybe it hasn't occurred to you," L muttered coldly, clenching his fists, "But there's always the possibility that I am _not any good_."

"You're overreacting," Light insisted, "Being rejected doesn't mean you're no good. I can't count how many times I've tried to drive this into your head, but…" Light put his hands on L's shoulders, loving resolve filling his eyes. "You are _amazing_."

The sound of a truck pulling in front of the house broke through the sudden stillness.

Light glanced back. "It's the mail…"

"I'm going into the kitchen," L declared, turning around and walking away.

Taking a piece of cake, a fork, and a seat, L ate his sugar in silence. After a minute, Light stepped up behind him hesitantly, holding out a brown envelope. "…It's for you."

Staring at it for a moment, L put down his fork and grabbed the envelope. Standing, he walked away from Light to open it a bit more privately. Light stayed where he was, waiting in silence.

Slipping his finger underneath a small opening in the seal, L opened it gradually. When the top of the package was fully ripped through, he grabbed the edge of the paper inside and pulled it out.

Holding it in his shaking hands, L flipped open the letter, and read the first few sentences.

Suddenly, L whipped his head around, eyes wide. "Light-kun."

Light's eyebrows rose. "L?"

"Light-kun," L repeated, dropping the letter to the ground and striding over to his lover. Reaching upward, he took Light's face in his hands, a smile growing on his lips. "Light-kun…"

"You did it," Light whispered, his eyes brightening.

"I did it," L murmured happily, pushing his lips against Light's passionately.

Fisting L's hair, Light kissed back, pulling the now published author in closer. L moved his hands to wrap his arms around Light's waist, lifting the man into the air. Light laughed, and L spun them around, the pair twirling together in joy. Bringing the brunette back to the ground, L slowed them to a stop, leaning in to whisper in Light's ear.

"Thank you," he said softly.

Light grinned. "I told you so."

--

L looked up as a book was slammed in front of him on the table. Staring at the cover, recognizing it to be his own work, his eyes followed the arm that had thrown down the book up to the currently angry and unbelieving face. "Is something wrong, Light-kun?"

"L." Light's eyebrow twitched as he barely restrained himself. "What made you write _this_?"

Blinking, L asked, "Did you not like it, Light-kun?"

"I do not enjoy recognizing myself in the description of a character whose only job is being the _love interest_." Running a hand through his hair, Light gritted his teeth in irritation. Blood rushed to his cheeks as he muttered, "Especially a love interest that appears in multiple, _highly descriptive_ sex scenes…"

"You inspire me, Light-kun," said L, tilting his head to the side innocently. "And you are not only a love interest. You are also the coworker who is competing with the main character."

"Yeah, for four chapters!" Light groaned and fell onto the couch next to L, horribly embarrassed. "People will recognize me in the street as 'the guy from that homoerotic novel'…"

"You'll be a huge hit at parties, Light-kun."

Light turned to L with a deadpan expression. "_Super_."

"But other than that, did you like it, Light-kun?" L's face was blank, but Light could see anxiety in his eyes.

Light's frown turned into a smile, and L's anxiety disappeared. "It was absolutely brilliant. I was right—you _are_ a wonderful writer."

L gave a sigh of relief, and Light added, "But don't write about me again."

"I don't know, Light-kun," said L, "My editor is asking for a sequel…"

Light laughed, and L just stared at him silently. Light stopped laughing. "Are you… serious?"

"Readers love the brunette with the amber eyes, Light-kun," said L in all seriousness. "They want more of him. Say he seems real. I believe you have become the fantasy man of nearly all my readers."

"Aughhh…" Light held his head in his hands, getting a sudden headache.

"But don't worry, Light-kun," said L reassuringly, "Since I used a pen name, no one will know it's actually you."

"Yeah, I noticed that," said Light, lifting his head. "'Ryuzaki'? Isn't that…?"

"Yes," L said quickly, "It is the name I used when I pretended to be a detective."

"No, no," said Light, grinning, "I believe you told me it was actually the name of a certain butler's cute little—"

"No," L said firmly. "No it is not."

"Fine, fine," said Light, waving it off. He leaned back into the sofa cushions, sighing as the soft pillows untied the knots in his shoulders.

"And by the way," Light murmured, "I love the title."

"Thank you, Light-kun," said L, propping his feet up on the table next to their copy of _**Casements**_.

-- the end --

**Author's Notes:** And that, as I just stated above... Is the end.

I hope you enjoyed it. Thank you for reading, and please leave your opinion in a review.

Side notes:

Casements are windows. Just in case you didn't know. Didn't want to leave any confusion.

There is a sequal in the works... Well, I'm considering making one, anyway, and the idea is forming in my mind. If I do write it, it will be called "Rollerskates". I hope you'll take a look if it shows up!

Anyway, again, thank you for reading. I really hope you liked it.


End file.
